Renewed faith
by apple hearts
Summary: Voldemort's dead and not alls well in Harry's world. He's alone, struggling to find his place in a brand new world. But what is he hiding? Slash/mpreg
1. In the end

Renewed faith

He sat by the side of the lake, celebrations going on behind him, staring into the water. The war was won, Voldemort dead. He was finally free, but instead of celebrating Harry sat there alone, mourning the dead and thinking back on the previous year.

It had been a whirlwind year. At the start of my seventh year at Hogwarts, I'd been called into Dumbledore's office and given a rigorous training schedule. I'd been studying under various members of the Order in combat, defense and anything they could think of to help me survive the war. I had soaked up more knowledge and skills than I thought possible. Even Snape, despite his best efforts, had been unable to find fault with my progress.

I had been forced to start up the DA again, due to overwhelming popularity. The current defense teacher was just as useless as the rest, with the obvious exception of Remus Lupin. Over the years the DA had expanded in numbers to the point where it was nearly unmanageable. All of the houses were represented (with the obvious exception of Slytherin) although I'd been forced to draw the line at 5th years and above.

It was just before Halloween that it had happened. During a regular meeting, the doors slammed open and in strolled half of the Slytherin 7th years and some other students Harry didn't recognize. At there head was one Draco Malfoy, with a smug grin on his face. The majority of the DA went for their wands, some remembering their 5th year and Umbridge's goon squad, some mistrustful of Slytherins in general.

"We're here to join!" Malfoy announced, like he gate crashed illicit student organizations run by his rival every day. Some of the Slytherins shuffled nervously behind him. Apparently having thirty odd wands in their faces was having an impact on them at least.

"You can't join!" Ron shouted, looking outraged at the thought. Hermione was looking thoughtful and had put her wand away.

Everyone was staring expectantly at me. I wasn't sure what to do. I'd always made a point of allowing anyone old enough to join, especially now there wasn't as much need for secrecy. Dumbledore knew what he was doing, even if he chose not to acknowledge it. But I was worried that Malfoy would find some way to sabotage us from the inside if I did. And I really, really didn't want to deal with Malfoy twice a week.

I looked up at him, expecting to see cool arrogance. What I didn't expect was to see him looking of all things nervous and a bit embarrassed. It was so out of character that I just stared.

"What? Have I got something on my face?" he retorted sarcastically.

"Fine. We're revising the patronus charm. Those of you who can produce a corporeal patronus, join Neville, those who can produce a non corporeal patronus with Hermione and the rest with me. Back to work guys."

And that was the start of it. Of course initially it was a disaster. I spent most of the first session separating people and stopping arguments. Eventually the cry of "Take that death eater scum," or "You mudblood fool", followed by the inevitable duel or fist fight got on even Ron's nerves and by Christmas people were getting along for the most part.

Of course that doesn't take into account Malfoy and I. From the start things were uncomfortable between us. Whether I liked it or not (and I really didn't like it) most of the students looked to me as a sort of de facto leader. Because I was encouraging them to get along with the Slytherins, I couldn't very well punch their leader, no matter how aggravated he made me. And so I had to at least maintain the façade that I was getting along with him. Even now I can't tell when it stopped being pretend. I just remember him helping me up one day after he had blasted me with a particularly effective expelliarmus and thinking that far from hating him, I was starting to like the sarky bastard.

It took me until after Christmas to realize in what way I liked him. I had realized after a disastrous attempt at a relationship with Ginny in my sixth year that I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in women. A bit of a shock to the system I can tell you. I kept it to myself for a good while, scared of other people's reaction. The Dursley's opinions on gays was not tolerant in the least and I was worried these opinions were more widespread. Eventually I caved and told Hermione and Ron. Hermione shrugged and said she already knew. Ron stuttered a bit, asked if I fancied him (as if!) and then confessed that Charlie was gay and told me he didn't have a problem with it. So life went on. My orientation was theoretical and I had never acted on it. I didn't meet anybody I fancied and I was kept busy enough I didn't think on it. Until Draco Bloody Malfoy stomped into my life as only a spoilt only child of a rich and powerful family can do.

I would never have acted on my thoughts. I could imagine too well how mortifying it would be to have him reject me. I couldn't imagine why he would want to be with me either. With my short stature and untidy hair I wasn't exactly Hogwart's most fanciable. And I didn't know if he was gay.

Turned out that I wasn't left wondering for too long. A botched kidnapping attempt in Hogsmeade and rumours that I had died, convinced Draco that life was too short to not take chances. He snuck into the hospital wing and sat with me all night. When I woke up in the middle of the night he berated me for getting into trouble again. Mid rant he stopped, grabbed the back of my head and gave me the best kiss of my life so far. It was aggressive, challenging and reckless and I loved every second of it. Eventually he pulled away and stared at me with some trepidation. I smiled slightly to reassure him and kissed him back. Whilst his kiss was a question, mine was the answer. And it was a resounding yes.

Six months we were together. Six months of sneaking in and out of each others dorms, in disused classrooms, the room of requirement. Anywhere we could be together and not have to pretend. I was desperate to keep him safe. If news got out that he was currently dating me, his life expectancy would have equaled mine. Ron and Hermione knew of course.

We made plans for a life together after the war. Both of us knew that we would be apart for the duration. Draco was going to join the death eaters and spy for us. I was being sequestered in Grimauld Place to finish my training and start to actively fight against Voldemort. No-one knew how long the war would last. We had only been together six months but I knew we would both wait. I really felt this was the person I would spend my life with. The night before graduation, I proposed. I wanted Draco to know I was always going to be his, no matter what. The next night we snuck out of Hogwarts and got married. It was a small registry office service with no reception but it was perfect. We were giddy with excitement and love and didn't care it wasn't a big ceremony. Three days later we performed the Heir Spell. A week later he left Hogwarts, and I never saw him again.

So now I'm sitting by the lake, thinking of nothing but Draco. The war is over, casualties had been light. No-one I knew well apart from Draco. There wasn't even a body to bury. He had been exposed as a spy hours before Voldemort was killed. The body was never found but Harry knew he was dead. He had conclusive proof and although the search teams had not stopped looking, Harry was mourning his dead husband.

It was dark, so dark. He didn't know where he was or why. Why won't someone help me? Where is everyone? He lay alone in the cold and dark, helpless and alone trying desperately to cling to life. The last thing he remembered was the fury on the Dark Lord's face, Bellatrix cackling with glee, his mother looking horrified. He remembered the pain too.

TBC.......


	2. Pretending

Chapter 2- Pretending

I wandered through the next day. People kept coming up to me and shaking my hand, clapping me on the shoulder, really just wanting to touch me, their saviour. I had to talk to reporter after reporter, government officials, aurors, foreign dignitaries. By the time I managed to escape, I was exhausted. I ran up to my room in Grimmauld Place and slammed the door behind me, casting the strongest privacy wards I could manage. I flopped down onto the bed and lay there for a few minutes just staring at the ceiling, enjoying the quiet. Thinking back on the day made me snort. All those idiots. Refusing to raise a hand to stop Voldemort and the bustling around like heroes once he's dead. Typical Ministry policy I reckon.

I smiled thinking about how Draco would have gotten rid of those idiots with a well aimed cutting remark. I really wished he was here. I don't think it had really sunk in what has happened over the last couple of days. I keep thinking he is locked up in Malfoy Manor, acting the pureblood brat and secretly passing on as much information as he could get away with. I missed his little notes he would sometimes include in his missives. I missed him.

I thought about when he died, five minutes past noon yesterday. I had been practicing my wand work with Remus Lupin when it happened. I was sheltering behind an old armchair when suddenly a bright blue light came rushing towards my abdomen and knocked me flat on the floor. At first I thought Remus had snuck around and taken me by surprise, but Remus denied it and seemed so concerned that I was baffled. It wasn't until later after the battle I realized had happened and the implications of it.

I rolled over and rummaged in my nightstand. I pulled out the rings we had exchanged. It was too much of a risk for Draco to take his, so I had kept it safe for him. I stared at the simple gold bands and wondered what had happened to him. Did he die quickly, who killed him? I vowed then that I would find out who and extract a suitable revenge. It hurt so much even thinking about it and I buried the pain under anger.

Eventually my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I felt guilty, I needed to take better care of myself. I slipped my ring onto my finger and slipped Draco's onto a chain and tied it around my neck. I knew there would be questions but there was no longer any reason to hide. Eventually I left my sanctuary and went downstairs.

As I approached the kitchen I heard two unmistakable voices.

"I fail to see how you are being so calm, Albus,"

"Panicking will do us no good. We need not expect the worst."

"You know what that family are like. I do not need to remind you how many Death Eaters have managed to evade the Ministry?"

More alarmed than I would like to admit I pushed open the kitchen door to demand to know why Dumbledore and Snape were arguing about Death Eaters when the war was won.

"What's going on?" I asked, sounding worried, even to myself.

"Harry, how are you my boy?" Dumbledore asked.

"Fine thanks" I responded impatiently. "What's going on?" I repeated, not being put of in the slightest.

"Nothing that requires you to storm in, wand blazing and getting everyone killed. Enough people have died due to your carelessness." Snape spat at me. He looked even more furious than usual. I had wondered if he was going to mellow out once Voldemort was dead. Apparently not.

"Good day, Headmaster." Then, with an impressive flourish of his cloak, he stormed out.

"I don't want you worrying about this," Dumbledore reassured me. "Professor Snape is merely being cautious. Voldemort is dead and the free Death Eaters are disorganized and scattered. None of the free ones have the intelligence or power to take control. The war really is over Harry."

I shrugged and bid the Headmaster goodnight as I walked him to the fireplace. It was naïve to assume that all the danger is past. There will always be people trying to take power and to panic over the concept would make living a normal life impossible. I really wanted a normal life. After all I have been through, I don't consider it greedy to want a bit of normality in my life. Of course, me being me, that isn't likely to happen.

The next week followed the same pattern. Being hunted down by the whole world and trying desperately to escape. The Weasleys were a great help in deflecting the masses, especially the Twin's with their impressive collection of prank items. I swore then and there to never get on the bad side of them and to be more sympathetic to Ron when he complains about them testing products on him.

Eventually it began to die down. I still couldn't walk around without an escort but people were settling for an autograph and a handshake rather than tackling me to the ground. I avoided places where wizards were likely to congregate and started to stick to the muggle world for shopping and other necessary outings. The papers started to print other news and people moved on.

Hermione and Ron moved on in Australia; Hermione had decided to go to university and Ron had decided to follow, instead of being separated for four years. Hogwart's opened up and the teachers and younger students went back.. Hermione had offered to take a year out and stay by my side, but I would not disrupt their life like that. I promised I would be fine and arranged to come visit half way through the term. They also urged me to move out there with them but I still had to find Draco and his murderer. Life moved on for all my friends and I began thinking about what to do with myself. I no longer found myself interested in being an auror and spending my life fighting. I wanted to do something positive with my life. I didn't need to money, but I was growing bored with my life. After working so intensely for so long, I didn't know how to sit around all day and do nothing. I was well qualified, with lots of experience in most fields. I thought about becoming a teacher, as Hogwart's had been my first home and the place I had been happiest. I also thought about being a healer. I liked the thought of helping people and healing the damage the war had wrought on our society. Hell, I even thought about being a barman in the Leaky Cauldron. It would get me out and about and meeting lots of interesting people. I also knew Tom would hire me because he liked me, not because I'm some saviour.

I wrote to Madame Pomfrey, asking her how she got into the training and how she finds being a healer. She sent back a big package full of leaflets and brochures and extended an open offer to shadow her any time I wanted. She said she was thrilled one of her students was thinking of following her into the profession and that she was specially happy it was me.

Deadline for the application process was October 31st so I still had five weeks to decide. On the one hand, it seemed a really interesting fulfilling career. On the other it was ridiculous hours and I wasn't sure I would be able to complete the training. I decided to give myself a few more weeks and confirm my suspicions before deciding.

I put the large application to one side and wandered into the Black family library. I was determined to find out exactly how the Heir spell worked, beyond Draco's rudimentary explanation. It wasn't hard to find. In a big, dry looking tome, I found the following excerpt:

_The heir spell is a form of ancient magic, which allows a man on the eve of battle to impregnate his wife or a suitable host with his child. The baby will only be born if the father perishes in battle. The sum of the father's magic will then be transferred to the host, where it triggers the pregnancy and remains for the duration of the pregnancy, sustaining the baby and ensuring it grows and lives. This gives the child a hundred percent chance of survival and guarantees the birth of a child and the continuation of the blood line. In order for this to be true all heir spell babies are male. The host will know when the father has perished by a light and abnormal sensation. Whilst the baby will survive, the better the host takes care of themselves, the stronger both magically and physically the child will be. _

_To cast the spell you need…_

_tbc..._


	3. Accepting

Chapter 3- Accepting

I stared at the page in shock. I was, well pregnant. I'm 18 years old, alone, male, and pregnant. Somehow when I had agreed to the spell, I had thought I would be the one dead and Draco would be the one having the baby. The odds of me defeating Voldemort were so slim they were laughable. Except now both he and Draco are dead beyond all doubt. I had suspected since that day, but I had hoped. Although I had been looking for his body, I still had hoped he would be miraculously alive. Maybe a prisoner of some forgotten Death Eater. I ruthlessly squashed any wishful thinking, knowing that it would only bring me more pain and in my condition I could not afford to wallow around in misery.

So what now. I could hardly rock up to Madam Pomfrey and ask her for a pregnancy test. Although I trusted her, she would want to tell the Headmaster and I didn't want him to know. So I would wait. The baby is protected by magic and I would have to trust it to keep him safe.

Him. My baby was a boy. It was a real boy inside me. Up until now, I had only been thinking about Draco and the implications of a pregnancy on me. But I had a little boy inside me. Mine and Draco's son. What should I call him? Would I be able to take care of a child? Thousands of questions rolled through my mind. One think I did know, I would make sure that Draco would be proud of how I looked after our child.

With that thought and the acceptance that came with it, I started to make plans. First things first, I needed to secure my baby's inheritance. Draco had made sure I knew what to do in this situation. I dressed carefully in smart robes, left the house and apparated into Diagon Alley. I kept my head down and ducked down Langley Lane, I strolled down the lane, as if I do this journey every day, keeping my head down to avoid recognition. Eventually I stopped in front of a building with a discrete sign over the door saying "Bollinger and Bollinger, solicitors." The front of the building was sparkling white and the ornate wooden door swung open as I approached. Entering the reception area, the room screamed wealth. From the plush carpets, to the wooden décor right down to the tailor made clothes the beautiful secretary wore. Speaking of, she was watching me carefully with her big blue eyes.

"Can I help you?' She inquired with a neutral tone. Staring me up and down with an assessing gaze. Apparently they don't get walk ins much.

" Yes, I need to speak to Mr Bollinger, Senior, about an urgent matter."

"I'm afraid Mr Bollinger is unavailable right now. Could I make you an appointment at a later date?" I took later date to mean never.

"Its about a matter he has been dealing with for some years. Will you take this to him and see if he will see me?" I handed over a vault key I had been keeping for some time.

"I will try." She stood and swept out the room in impressively high heels and a pencil skirt. Somehow I wasn't surprised.

I sat in a comfortable leather armchair and examined the magazines and papers. I was on the cover of almost all of them. I shifted awkwardly and wondered why the secretary had not recognized me. Maybe she didn't get out much.

A short time later the man I had been waiting for came out of the back rooms. He was short and stocky with shrewd black eyes. He was impeccably dressed and clean shaven. I could see why he had the reputation he had. He looked cool and composed, right up until he saw my face.

"Mr Potter… What an honor!" He blurted out. Then looking irritated with himself, he reverted back to his cool composed façade from before.

"Come through, we have much to discuss." He led me though into a room decorated much as the reception had been. Gesturing to a seat on one side of a desk, he took the other.

"Now, would you care to explain why you have a key to a client of mines vault and why it has not been returned to Gringott's as is the necessary procedure in these cases." His voice was level, but there was a hint of accusation in his tone.

"I didn't steal it or find it. I was given it. I need you to give me confidentiality before I explain how I came to be in possession of this key."

"You are not a client of mine. I cannot guarantee that I will keep your words to myself if it is not in my clients best interest." He seemed challenging, daring me to prove him wrong. Wanting to believe the best of me. Like the rest of the world really. I decided that I would trust him to keep my secrets. To be honest, half of my paranoia is just left over habit from when a wrong word could get Draco killed.

Without a word, I handed over our marriage certificate, Draco's will and proof of the heir spell. His jaw hit the floor at the marriage certificate, but he again regained himself in order to read the rest of the documents.

"Do you have your ring?" He asked after a few authentication spells and reading through the documents thoroughly.

I handed them both over and watched him run through more and more spells. Finally, he looked up in amazement.

"It would seem you are in fact, head of the Malfoy family and entitled to all the holdings and assets that title brings. Upon your death, however, it will revert to the next blood relative in line, unless you produce an heir. Given the fact that you are carrying a Malfoy heir, there should be no way to challenge your claim to the title. How would you like me to proceed now?" He sounded calm, although he had to know that I would be considering removing my business from his firm. Funnily enough, I trusted this odd little man and had a lot of respect for his abilities. I had no intention of losing his help.

I asked for an accounting of all the assets and business dealings the Malfoy money was involved in. I stopped all the dodgy dealings and criminal activities as soon as possible, I stopped all the bribes to the ministry and instead routed the funds into actual charities. I shut up Malfoy Manor, only planning on going back when my son was old enough to learn about his heritage. I was not interested in becoming Lord Malfoy, but I wanted my son to have the option when he was older. We stayed in Grimmauld Place for the time being. There was nowhere safer and I worried more and more for the safety of my unborn child.

With the Malfoy fortune secured for its unborn heir, life went on much as before. I decided to go for the Healer training. I thought that I might not get in and if I did, I could always drop out for a while if things got to tough. It took up the better part of a week to fill in the forms perfectly. I send my personal statement to Hermione to check and she was absolutely delighted I was planning on doing something so challenging. I held off telling her about the baby, wondering how I was going to explain things. I also didn't want to tell her in a letter. She would be furious if I told her about such an important part of my life in a letter. I knew I had to tell them soon or they would figure it out soon. I had noticed this morning I was starting to fill out a bit. Either I had been lazing around too much or I finally starting to show. I was now nearly 2 months along. I couldn't believe how fast time was going. I would see Ron and Hermione in just a couple of weeks. I really missed them but at the same time I was dreading seeing them again. What am I going to say?

TBC...


	4. Finding out

Chapter 4- Finding out

I clutched the envelope tightly in my hand. This piece of paper held my future in it. Some random, faceless person who has never met me had decided the course of my life. My nerves overcame me and I ripped it open as quickly as possible. As the paper fluttered to the floor I snatched it up. Not giving myself more of an opportunity to think about it, I unfolded the paper and read.

_Congratulations, you have been accepted onto the St Mungo's Healer training program. Your application was successful. If you still wish to join the program, then you will need to reply, by owl, by the 1__st__ January._

_Please read the enclosed information packets_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Healer McIvor_

I was in. All them rewrites of my personal statement, all them hours had finally paid off. Unfortunately, the course doesn't start until next September so it wouldn't solve my immediate boredom, however, it was nice to have something else to look forward too as well being a Dad.

I folded the letter and carefully filled it. I sat down in front of my new TV and slid a DVD in. I hadn't been able to figure out how to get actual television installed, so I had gone and splurged on an impressive DVD collection. I had also bought loads of children's films, despite baby being nowhere near ready for them. I had held off buying clothes and such because I didn't want people questioning who they were for, but no-one would think it too strange that my 200+ DVD collection includes Thomas the Tank and Pingu. Plus most wizards don't even know what a DVD is.

I was currently watching Lord of the Rings. Hermione had raved about it when she had heard I had invested in a DVD player and so I felt obliged to watch. I was enjoying it thoroughly though. I kept imagining Draco's face if he saw me doing something so mugglish.

"Are you listening baby?" I quietly murmured as I rubbed my now noticeably swollen belly. 'This ones called the Lord of the Rings. it's a big scary for you though, so you won't be able to watch it fully until you're older. Its about the fight against good and evil, and how good always triumphs eventually, even if it takes the sacrifice of many good men. Sacrifices are overrated. I promise that if I have any chance what so ever, I will fight to stay alive for you. And if something does happen, I'll make sure you go to a good family. Someone who will love you for who you are and never make you unwelcome. I'm going to give you the best Godparents I can. I think Hermione will be one. That way you'll always have both Ron and Hermione. Your Godfather though… I know who I want to ask. But last time I saw him he was even more angry with me than usual. He'll love you though. Because he loved your other Daddy. He helped him grow up into a good man, against all the odds. Guess we're going to Hogwarts tomorrow, Baby."

The next day dawned and it was a beautiful sunny Autumn day. The leaves were browns and yellows and reds and falling all over. I dressed slowly and had a nice leisurely breakfast. After breakfast I cleaned the house, did some laundry and went into my workshop. I had been trying to build a cot. I had bought a wood lathe and an impressive collection of power tools. So far I had used up a forest worth of wood, cut my fingers about ten times and still hadn't even got the basics down. I didn't care though. I was relaxing and the room was well lit and ventilated. I could just play around all day and if I accomplished nothing it didn't matter. I didn't have to worry about being a bad father, or what career I was going to do. I didn't have to think about telling people about my son or telling people about Draco. I just sanded down wood, thinking about nothing. Especially not thinking about Draco.

I was getting better. I no longer broke down and cried every time I thought of him, but it was still hard. I was starting to be able to think of the good thinks without thinking about how he died, but it was slow going and it was so exhausting. I don't know how I would have coped without being pregnant and so focused of life.

After a few hours in the workshop I had managed to carve a beautiful leg for the cot. Unfortunately I could not replicate the leg another three times, but never mind. I suppose I could have with magic, however, it felt like cheating and I was enjoying myself. Feeling proud of myself I left the room to get some lunch. Since accepting I was pregnant, I have been very careful to be as healthy as possible. I have made sure I eat three times a day, even when I'm not hungry. Baby better appreciate all the times I have practically had to ram food down my throat. After a slow lunch I then went and showered and changed and prepared to go out.

For the first time since the night after Draco's death I approached Hogwart's. The castle looked more splendid than ever, standing proud against the skyline. I felt a familiar pang of wonder and for a moment felt just as I did on that day so very long ago when I saw Hogwarts for the first time. I shook myself out of the odd mood I found myself in and wandered up the path to Hogwarts. Reaching the castle gates I heard the loud bustle, I had long since associated with the end of classes at Hogwarts. Students standing in bunches gossiping after class, no longer worrying about being late or forgotten homework. I was immediately set upon by old housemates and acquaintances. It seemed beyond strange that only last year I was still one of these students. Now I'm some sort of legend.

I said hi to people I knew, made my excuses and escaped gratefully into the dungeons. I remembered all the shortcuts with an ease that surprised me and soon I was outside the office door of my least favorite professor. I knocked firmly with a confidence I did not feel.

Professor Snape swung open the door, looking distracted, "Yes?" He barked. He then looked at me and blinked.

"Mr Potter." He sounded so resigned to my presence, I nearly made my excuses and left then. I wondered what he thought I was there for. No doubt to accuse him of some nefarious activity and start a blazing row. He did look tired. I thought about leaving and coming back when he was better able to deal with the shock I was about to give him. I touched my wedding ring in my pocket and gained strength from it. I thought back to all the times Draco had mentioned Snape. He really had loved him and had been treated well by him. Most of all I though of Draco, the way he thought, the way he talked, and I knew that if I wanted this child raised as Draco and I would have raised him, there needed to be a Slytherin influence on him.

"Can I have a word in private?" I asked politely.

"Can it not wait?" Snape sneered at me, "Preferably forever."

"I'd rather discuss it now," I replied calmly. "But its not urgent. I just need to ask you something."

"Come on then." Snape replied looking so put out I nearly laughed. "Lets just get this over with."

He led me into his office and gestured to the seat in front of the desk. I had to try hard to not feel like I was in detention. I kept getting the urge to start scrubbing cauldrons.

"Well." My cue to start.

"I have something to tell you. And then I need to ask you something. I hope very much you'll agree to it but if you say no today, the offer will still be open indefinitely."

"Potter, you're babbling. Either say what you have to say or get out. I am busy."

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out. Smooth Potter, nothing like a bit of Gryffindor lack of tact. Snape just stared at me, as if deciding whether I needed to be hauled off to St. Mungo's. He eventually gestured for me to continue and I did.

"I fell in love with someone last year. We got married the night of graduation, performed the Heir spell that week and then he died in the war. When he died, the Heir spell activated and…" I smoothed down my robes and showed the protruding stomach.

"And you want me to…" Snape looked more bewildered than I have ever seen him. "I won't help you abort it, if that's what your fishing for." He sounded angry then. I was too. Furious at him,

"You think I would abort the child of the man I love. I know you hate me, but to have such a low opinion of me. As if I would come her today to deliberately hurt him."

"I apologize." Snape broke in. The thought of Snape apologizing for anything was mind boggling enough to stop me mid rant. "I did not truly think you would abort the child. I do not know what else you could want from me right now. Is the baby unwell? You would do better going to Poppy."

"The baby is fine." I hoped so anyway. "I want you to be the godfather." There. I had said it. I braced for the inevitable explosion.

"Get out." Snape said it in that quiet voice, the one he uses when he's about to go apocalyptic. I started to back up slowly.

"Think about it."

"GET OUT!" and I did.

TBC...


	5. Revealing secrets

Chapter 5- Hurting

I couldn't remember a time when I had been so bored. Stuck in this tiny little boring room. At first I had been furious, I had banged on the door over and over until my fists were bloody, but no-one came. I had screamed obscenities until I was hoarse. I had ranted and raged, bargained and pleaded, but to no avail. I hoped that bitch of an aunt who had locked me in here had suffered miserably for her sins.

It was so stupid. I was nearly free, so close I could taste it. All I had to do was keep my head down and not get noticed. To bad I'd never been brilliant at occlumency. I was competent, don't get me wrong, I would never have survived so long if I wasn't. I just let it lapse momentarily and now I'm paying the price. I wished someone would come though. The highlight of my day had become meal time, when the house elf came to bring food. Even then, it was apparently under orders to not speak to me. If Harry was here, he'd get the damn thing talking.

I wondered where Harry was. I was fairly confident he was alive, as I had not felt the Heir spell take hold, but beyond that I did not know. After the beating I had taken, I was lucky to survive. I had a sneaky suspicion it was due to the house elf I was alive at all. I couldn't exactly picture Aunt Bellatrix trying to save my life. Great, now I owe a house elf a life debt. Could my life get any worse?

I lay on my bunk and sighed. With nothing else to do, I sighed again. I wished Harry would hurry up and find me. I thought back to the last time I'd seen him. He was watching me leave Hogwarts for the last tine, staring out a window. I memorized his face, terrified it would be the last time I saw him. Out of the two of us, it seemed much more likely that he would die. He was too noble, to self sacrificing, for his own good, and I vowed that when he finally found me, I would make sure the world doesn't take advantage.

I had to find a way out of here. If harry could find me, he would have by now. I had already assessed the cell, but I tried again with a calmer eye. Four walls, no door, a tiny window that a person couldn't get out off. A small cot in one corner with a threadbare blanket. Assessment over. Not much to work with. I would have to try to get the house elf talking next time it came with food. Not much of a plan and certainly nothing I haven't done before, but it's a start. I have a husband and a life to get back to and I'll be damned if a long dead crazy lady was going to ruin my life. Where are you Harry?

*****************************************************

At that moment in time, I was sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, mentally cataloguing my mistakes in my conversation with Severus. I could have kicked myself for being so blunt. I had been thrown by the surroundings and seeing him as my old potions master, rather than the man who had trained me. The chief mistake I had made was not actually telling him that this mysterious partner was actually Draco. I just couldn't tell him that. Snape really knows how to go for the jugular and with such an upsetting piece of news he really would have laid into me.

I understood why he got so angry though. Three months after his godson dies, I rock up and casually ask him to be godfather to my child. I didn't know how to rectify this mistake though. I decided to give him a week to cool off and then try and explain things better then. Besides, I was due to visit Ron and Hermione tomorrow and wouldn't be around for a while. I made sure I was packed and went to bed early. The portkey was set to activate at four am and I didn't want to miss it. I was excited to see them again and to see Australia. I wasn't looking forward to their reactions. I tried to tell myself it couldn't be as bad as Snape's, but somehow, I wasn't convinced. I lay down in bed for a restless nights sleep.

The loud clanging of my alarm woke me early the next day, and I stumbled out of bed and into the shower. I was lucky I hadn't suffered too much with morning sickness. Aside from feeling a bit queasy sometimes and being tired a lot, I was coping well. I fumbled into some clothes and grabbed my suitcase from by the door. I then picked up the portkey ticket and waited for a few minutes. Eventually I felt a familiar tugging sensation and the room whirled away in the blink of an eye. A few seconds later (more than I would have liked) I landed on the floor of a small cubicle.

"15.00pm from England, a tall, wiry man muttered and gestured impatiently at me to get out the way. I was thankful that he was so busy. If he paid more attention, he might have recognized me. The last thing I wanted was it getting out where I was. I had a feeling the Australian people were no less obsessed than the English.

I followed the signs through security and ended up in a large waiting area that was packed. I eventually recognized a familiar bushy haired girl and her tall scrawny boyfriend. As I started to make my way over to them Ron looked up. He smiled broadly and nudged Hermione. She flew across the waiting room and into my arms.

"Harry! I'm so glad you're here." She hugged me tightly. Ron had followed across at a more sedate pace and clapped me on the bag.

"Its good to see you, mate," He grinned at me. Hermione finally released me, and pushed me back to get a good look at me.

"You look good, Harry. I'm glad to see you finally putting on weight." She teased. I had nearly fallen over in shock. Please don't figure it out, please don't figure it out.

"In fact, you seem to have developed a little belly." She reached out to poke my stomach through my robes before I could stop her. She seemed shocked by the size of it. "Harry, what's going on? If you were a woman I would think you were pregnant and trying to hide it!" I fidgeted nervously. How to explain, should I lie or just admit it now? Damn it Hermione, I wasn't ready to tell.

"Harry?" She demanded. I shrugged at her and she looked at me in amazement. "You aren't serious? Your pregnant? What.. I mean how?"

"Spell" I muttered. "Can we go somewhere a bit more private please? I really don't want to have this conversation in an airport."

"Harry, mate. Even without Voldemort around, you still lead the most interesting life! Lets go back to ours. You can tell us all about it there." Said Ron, who had finally picked his jaw off the floor.

TBC...


	6. Flying high

**Flying high**

I threw my bags into a corner and collapsed into a convenient armchair. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I couldn't help but smile a bit. I don't know where I would be without Ron and Hermione. They really were the best friends a guy could have. After the shocking news, we had apparated back to their flat. I had barely steadied myself from the apparation, when Hermione started in. I ended up telling them everything. They had assumed our relationship had ended badly when he went to the Deatheaters and were shocked when I told them the truth. The commiserated with me about Draco over Chinese takeaway. They listened to my stories and sat quietly when I needed to think. I went to bed that night feeling a lot lighter than I have since he died.

The next few days were packed with trips out to museums, theatres and nice restaurants. Hermione tentatively suggested we go baby shopping. I was initially unwilling to risk the exposure, but when Ron chimed in saying that people would assume it was for Hermione. She wasn't best pleased and threatened to tell Mrs. Weasley that she thought she was pregnant. That shut Ron up abruptly.

Eventually we went. I spent a small fortune on baby clothes, furniture (the bits I wasn't planning on making) and of course no trip out with Hermione is complete without the books. It calmed some of my worries to be doing something active about the pregnancy and as we went around the shops I became more and more excited to be doing this.

Of course the week ended far too soon and I had to take my portkey back home. It was a little depressing to come back alone to this dark house but some judicious wand waving had it brightly lit and a fire roaring in the fireplace. I left all my shopping and bags by the door to be sorted in the morning and curled up in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate. Tomorrow I would tackle Snape again.

I thought it might be a good idea to give him a bit of warning this time, so I wrote a polite note asking to meet tomorrow or at his earliest convenience. Sending it off with Hedwig, I went to bed feeling content.

Three days later I still hadn't heard from him. So I sent him another note. Reiterating that I needed to see him to clarify our last conversation. Another couple of days later, I got impatient and went down to Hogwarts. Knocking on his office door produced no answer. Likewise with his rooms. Maybe he was out. It was a weekend.

Yeah right. I've had years experience at being ignored and Snape wasn't exactly being subtle. I decided it was probably better to explain some things in a letter and ask him to meet me to explain things further. When the letter came back unopened I started to get really irritated.

So that's how I ended up standing outside the potions lab precisely 5 minutes before last lesson of the day lets out. Serve the bastard right if people spread rumors. The bell rang followed by a flood of tiny students. First years probably. I should have caught him after his seventh years. He's bound to be in a foul mood after first years. They gave me looks of awe as they walked past and I sighed inwardly. Sometimes I hate my life. I just kept telling myself it was for Draco and steeling myself for the confrontation, I pushed the door open and entered.

"Have you heard of knocking? Five points from…." He finally looked up. I wasn't sure he wouldn't take points from Gryffindor regardless of the fact I'm already graduated.

"Professor." I greeted.

"Potter. I should think it would be obvious by now that I have no interest in being a part of your latest harebrained scheme. Surely with the whole Wizarding world fawning over you, you could find someone else to pester?"

"Please. Five minutes. You'll want to hear what I have to say, I can guarantee you that." I spoke quietly but firmly. Kept my irritation and nervousness to myself.

"Five minutes. I'm counting."

"I….The thing is…. Well, have you thought about who the other father is? I mean how many people actually died in the war? Five on our side in total. Four of them weren't at Hogwarts."

"But no one from Hogwarts died. No one you would consider important." Snape stood up and faced away from me. He was so hard to read normally that this display of emotions was unsettling me.

"But he was important. The most important person in the world to me. And now he's gone. Not even a body to bury. The bastards couldn't even give us that."

Snape spun around and stared at me. I could see the emotions playing across me. He looked furious, but seemed to deflate before he started shouting.

"You cannot mean... Who?' He breathed. Unable to believe it without being told outright.

"Draco. It was Draco." I dragged my hands across my face. Swiping at any tears. I needed to stay calm and explain things to Snape. He deserved to know and I was springing one hell of a shock on him. "It just sort of happened. Once we stopping fighting every time we were in the same room." I smiled though my tears.

"Things went from there. I was married and widowed within the space of three months. He gave me the most incredible gift as he died but I'll miss him until the day I die." Snape still looked shell shocked. I didn't pause, I walked up to Snape and got into his personal space. Looking straight into his eyes I pressed my advantage.

"Be Godfather? Be Godfather to Draco's son?"

"Yes."

TBC………….


	7. Falling down

Chapter 7-Falling down

I sat calmly waiting for him to make a move. After Snape had agreed, he had sat down heavily in his desk chair and dropped his head into his hands. That had been ten minutes ago and there was still no sign of him recovering. I supposed it was a huge shock. Finding out that Draco had kept such a big secret from him couldn't have been a fantastic feeling. Discovering that your future is now irrevocably tied to the one student you wanted to see the back of as quickly as possible must also be weighing on his mind. I sympathized, I really did, but I was becoming increasingly aware of my bladder.

Eventually to my relief, Snape finally looked up. He looked calm now, and any emotions he was feeling were well hidden from my inexpert eyes.

"What do you want from me?" He softly asked.

"Nothing," I emphasized, "Except for you to be there for him when he needs you."

I did not want him thinking I was looking for money or any favors.

"Be there for him like you were for Draco. I'm looking for someone to love and guide him, not pay for his upbringing. Be someone for him to come to when he's in trouble. I'm due on May 15th, I think."

Snape nodded at this. I was so relieved he understood what I was asking. Then again, it's not exactly a new role for him. If he does half as well raising my child as he did Draco, then I will count myself blessed.

"What do you mean you think?" Snape replied suspiciously, I tried to look confident and not guilty.

"Couldn't Poppy give you an exact date? Or are you simply too incompetent to remember such a simple fact."

The insult was half hearted at best and I understood the reason for it. This was the longest (and only) civil conversation we had ever had and I was feeling as disconcerted as he must be. I was much more concerned with avoiding answering the question. Really I should have gone to Poppy ages ago, if only for my own piece of mind.

Something in my face must have given me away though because Snape suddenly looked bloody furious. His face looked as if it was carved from stone, set in angry, unyielding lines.

"Potter, you imbecile…" He started, in low angry voice. "Do you have any concept of the danger your courting by attempting to undergo a male pregnancy without any antenatal care whatsoever? Perhaps your life means nothing to you, but the life of your unborn child should mean more to you than your own stubborn pride."

As a matter of fact, no I didn't. I had thought it was safe. The heir spell said that the baby would be born alive regardless. I'd been following all the advice I could find in books and keeping as healthy as possible. Apparently I wasn't as well informed as I had thought. What followed was a half hour lecture on all I didn't know about male pregnancies, and as many gruesome stories of what happens when people didn't take the appropriate measures as Snape could fit into the time.

I was a bit shocked at some of the things that could go wrong. Luckily, I had stayed clear of all potions, alcohol and other drugs. I hadn't been anywhere near Stonehenge or other magical hotspots. As for the man that went into labor without a mediwitch, well, lets just say that there's a reason the women usually have the babies. I really could have lived without hearing exploding and a certain anatomical part in the same sentence.

I was a bit sobered to hear the bit about magic. In the second and third trimester of a pregnancy, the "mother" must not exhaust their magic. Due to Draco's magic starting to dissipate over time, more and more of my magic is funneled into the child to maintain the pregnancy. By the time I go into labor, I will essentially be a temporary squib, unable to cast a simple wingardium leviosa. It meant that I could have carried on oblivious and seriously harmed my baby. All I could hear is blood rushing in my ears and the room started spinning.

I woke up to the feel of crisp, cool sheets and the familiar sight of the hospital wing. Well, mostly familiar. The concerned looking Potions Master was new. Usually he would utter some scathing remark about Gryffindors and Potters, assign detention or remove house points and then sweep out majestically. The greasy old bat, I thought fondly.

The concerned look disappear as soon as he noticed I was awake. Madam Pomfrey bustled up to my bed waving her wand and clucking impatiently.

"Honestly, I had hoped that now you're graduated, we might be seeing less of each other. What kind of pickle have you got yourself into this time?"

My vain hope that Snape had told her whilst I was unconscious was squashed. If she had been told, there is no doubt that I would be listening to yet another lecture. I took a deep breath and began to tell my unlikely story to yet another disbelieving audience.

TBC..........

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